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House of Cards

[whitespace] Hot for Teacher?

By Mark Ewert

Should you or should you not get physically intimate with someone you frequently see in a more or less professional context? Now, I'm not talking about the cutie who serves you your bear claw and chai at the local java den, I'm talking about such individuals as your doctor, boss, co-worker, aerobics instructor, accountant, tarot card reader, etc. Being bipolar, I myself would sometimes tell you, "You only live once, go for it!" and other times "Are you crazy? Did you go off your meds?" But who cares what I think? Let's go straight to the cards. To be or not to be platonic, that is the question.

(P.S. Linda S., my cards are NOT, I repeat NOT, responsible for your recent bankruptcy, so you can stop trying to subpoena me, hon. And I did NOT leave the decapitated chicken head on your front steps, though it certainly crossed my mind) .

The Magician (harnessed willpower), The Knight of Cups (checking in with yourself frequently to maintain emotional tranquility) and the Two of Cups (LOVE... exciting and new. Come aboard--we're expecting you!):

I hate to get all pop-culty here, but ooh yeah, baby, may the Shag-force be with you! Just make SURE you say to yourself, "I will shag this person, but only if..." and then state your conditions clearly (e.g.: "I won't get fired," "Things won't be weird between us afterward," "S/he won't set me up for a tax audit," or what have you.

Bon voyage, baby!

Mark Ewert is a professional card reader and can be reached for readings at 415.252.9321. To submit topical questions, email [email protected].

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From the August 2, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

Copyright © Metro Publishing Inc.