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[whitespace] Y2K Fashion Bug

Searching for Internet style

By Katy Bell

Y2K has its hooks in me. I went searching online for guidance on proper attire for the new millennium disaster--the inevitable scenario in which planes drop from the sky, my student loans are wiped off traceable record and all the ATMs become as tight-fisted as my father. I'm nervous, you see, and I must be outfitted so that I communicate a seriousness about my personal survival at the dawn of a new age.

Surely I'm not alone in my concern. This is not paranoia. This is global and terrifying. What we've been taught about mundane, everyday disaster as in earthquake preparedness will simply not suffice.

Where can I find out about Y2K fashions? According to Jeeves (www.ask.com), we will all be sporting T-shirts, caps and buttons with informational, promotional and motivational slogans. Y2Kaboooom, I Survived Y2K, Y2K/Y Jelly-the Personal Lubricant of the Future (www.y2kgelly.com), Y2K monsters clutching blonde bombshells amid wreckage, a la King Kong. That's it. And we'll all be nude from the waist down.

I press on. There must be a message buried under all the media hype. I snap up some current fashion rags. Magazines from the U.K., Canada and the U.S. all forecast utilitarian examples of popular sportswear styles and feature stern models in high-tech (that's vinyl), high-necked uniforms with detachable cellular phone packs and those groovy zipper purse belts (hmm, recycled fanny pack). Now we're talking.

Hussein Chalayan's line (www.vogue.co.uk) offers molded plastic protective shell garments, likewise Issey Miyake/Kosuke Tsumura's development for pregnant women--the padded, protective-shell jacket (www.vogue.co.uk). I love it! And the shoes--all sensible, in colorful plastic wedgie platform heels with breathable quick-drying fabrics.

Helmut Lang showed a long, black, slit-to-the-ass evening gown with both elbow and knee pads (www.helmutlang.com). Very good. Practical, especially if one has black-tie event plans for New Year's Eve into New Year's Day. D-Day. Also shown, a slinky number complete with a thickly padded neck rest resembling one of those inflatable travel pillows. Just think how handy that would be should I be far from home, tired from sorting through the rubble and in need of a short nap.

I feel empowered and I call for a start to all millennial preparations immediately. Try visiting www.boo.com to begin stockpiling your day-glo sport uniform ensemble with phone holster. They boast free five-day delivery of premium sportswear from around the globe to anywhere in the U.S., U.K., Germany and Scandinavia.

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From the October 11, 1999 issue of the Metropolitan.

Copyright © Metro Publishing Inc.